Jesus Blah Blah Blah


I’m a good theologian. I believe nearly everything I say, and can talk myself into the rest. And yet sometimes it all seems rather ridiculous. To talk about God? Shouldn’t I just be sitting here with my mouth hanging open in awe…”buh-buh-buh”?

At the Wheaton conference on the church fathers, keynote speaker Christopher Hall cited St. Gregory of Nazianzus‘ admonition that you shouldn’t do theology unless you have a pure heart and meditate often. Otherwise it becomes a competitive sport, or an arrogant attempt to penetrate all of God’s mysteries through human reasoning. Unless one simultaneously engages in perceptual and behavioral habit-formation within a church community, it’s best not to bloviate about the Almighty.

So I won’t.

William “Wild Bill” Taylor: “Time Served”


the face of the broken man appears to one man 
   with the loud
mouth and shaking godspeed

in the crack houses where the lost and found
are gathered in the speakeasy future

of dying dung wounds
and the alabaster holding tank screams

you have warrants out sinner
credit for time served?

the pregnant mother whose back is covered
in a black tattoo haze of the Mexican 
   subculture

no insurance suspected driver’s license
INS has a hold on you

Christ is processed through
he needs to see the nurse

his chest x-ray is negative for TB
but his wide MIA sternum shows a broken
heart

unseen tears for those soon to be booked
checking out with duplicate fingerprints

he gave me his baloney sandwich
and I knew my that my warrants had been 
   erased

this time…

Poetry Roundup: Templar Poetry, Kore Press


Review copies of several poetry books have found their way to my desk this month, and I wanted to mention a few I’ve enjoyed. I remember how greedy I was for books in high school, when the $15 cover price of a slim volume seemed impossibly extravagant. I read the same few authors repeatedly: Auden, Sexton, Eliot, Robert Hass, Mark Strand. Now I can hardly do justice to the many books that I get in the mail, and I don’t have the luxury of rereading. Something is wrong with this picture. It’s probably the same character flaw that’s responsible for my novel’s excess of subplots. Too many competing priorities.

Some books worth slowing down for: I was very pleased to discover a new publisher from England, Templar Poetry, which runs a chapbook contest with a good-sized prize and better-than-average book design. A lot of chapbooks look like they were xeroxed and stapled together at Kinko’s (the name does mean “cheap book,” after all). Templar’s have full-color covers with French flaps, and are printed on nice ivory matte paper. So far I’ve read and admired two of last year’s winners, Angela Cleland’s Waiting to Burn and Judy Brown’s Pillars of Salt.

Cleland is a masterful writer who never over-explains her meaning. Like Robert Frost, she writes poems that work on many levels. The surface narrative is quite clear, but the more you study it, the more you see that she is using that narrative as an extended metaphor for something more important. Where a lesser poet might say, “X is like Y,” Cleland spends the whole poem telling the story of “X”, but with such subtly loaded language that the reader makes the connection to “Y” on his own. Take for instance her opening poem, “A Guided Tour”:


We asked to see the mechanism.
Asked if he would show us how
it worked, this exquisite machine.

Cogs turned, clean and golden;
oiled springs, fine-coiled stamen
quivered in our minds as we imagined.

But he frowned, his brow like
the sky, and with huge, jealous,
delicate hands, he hid his design,
as if afraid we might cheapen it
with ham-fisted home-made attempts.

Behind his hands the catch snapped
shut. It echoed round his workshop,
rattled screws in the countless devices
that spun and circled us like questions.

One of us nodded. We all nodded,
agreed, of course, this was for the best,
each one with his hand in his pocket,
each one fingering his lock-pick.
I read this as a poem about original sin, but note how wisely Cleland avoids the familiar tropes (garden, apple, good and evil) in order to seduce us into identifying with the knowledge-seekers until the very last lines, when we see that the protagonists are not trustworthy after all. The tour guide’s “huge, jealous” hands and his “brow like the sky” are clues to his God-identity, while the unexpected “delicate” drops the first hint that he is not just a mean authority figure but a compassionate protector against the real damage that his audience could do.

What I appreciated most about Judy Brown’s chapbook was her eye for physical details that captured a place or a character. Because her authorial voice is not intrusive, the occasional aphorism or emotional revelation has that much more impact, as in these lines from “Life in the Green Belt”:


Far away in the real countryside
I was slimmer
and one thing led to another.

But here and now
at the edge of a deserted golf course at dusk,
we lay spikily in unattractive positions.

Your unhappiness and my unhappiness
lay between us like two of my relatives.


Most of her poems are more hopeful than that; one of my favorites is “Passenger,” about a shard of glass embedded in her head from a car accident, which fell out 17 years later:


…When I lifted my hand, it fell, a diamond

from the devil’s spittoon, onto the crested paper,
the nailtip of a stalactite breaking.

Did I feel alone without my tough glass star,
its chunk of crystal shining by the bone?

It had brought me more darkness than light
so, for all our long companionship, I let it go.

The other review copies I’ve been reading are from the Kore Press First Book Award series. Kore Press is a well-regarded publisher in Tucson that specializes in poetry by women. I am still trying to find something intelligent to say about Sandra Lim’s Loveliest Grotesque. Her language is beautiful and fascinating, but so nonlinear, so anti-narrative, that I often can’t figure out “why this word and not another?” So far, about one-quarter through the book, I’m most enamored of the title poem and “The Horse and Its Rider”. The latter’s mood reminds me of all those great old ballads about the girl who’s swept away by the sexy bandit. Here are the last lines (the line-break slashes are part of the poem):

someone who belongs to another / what difference does it make to be here alone?
/ take this street, take this hand / eros has a thousand envoys /

now / now / wait for all the arrows to hit their mark / now / now I am going to be
happy / conditional / hardly birthright / strange, worn, contented dolls /

the piano nobile / an endless pageantry / now / let you be lifted / as a frost, old age
will take us /

cleave then / which way

The title, of course, made me picture a literal horseman, but it could also be an allusion to the classical image of reason as the charioteer who masters the horses of passion. Evidently, from the emotions and disjointed style of the poem, the horse is the one in control here. “Which way?” It doesn’t matter; the speaker is along for the ride, even if it ends badly (“as a frost, old age will take us”).

Another Kore Press winner, Elline Lipkin’s The Errant Thread, is quite different. She writes clear, controlled narrative poetry with a deep awareness of connection to history — mostly European history and culture, but also the mythic figures who symbolize women’s struggle in a man’s world: Philomela, Dickens’ Miss Havisham, and in this poem (my favorite from the collection), the Maiden Without Hands from the Grimms’ fairy tale.


Conversation With My Father

After we speak I go to the hardware store
to decide on a drill, feel each black–packaged tool
bristle with its will to do harm. I interlope
among bit sets, arrays of blade and shaft,
gun–like metal shapes that brag of power.
The word–whir of our talk still buzzes its drone
a hot saw always left in the corner, ready to hack.
Important — safety instructions flutter then drop.
I follow your advice on what’s needed to needle
a skin of paint, the force it takes to punch the wall.

How much better if I could have been like Athena,
springing clear as a doe, neat as a sum, blasted out
of your head like a sweep of clean logic. If only I could
have been pure as a product of the mind’s mitosis,
justified as when ‘if’ begets ‘then,’ and ‘a’ equals ‘c,’
each chamber of reason I passed smelting an iron–ore
layer over my breast. How alike we could be when
I emerged, balanced as an axiom, threaded straight
as a theory, and born armed, with bow and arrow in hand.

Instead, in your grip, I was Thumbelina, a glass angel,
a set of porcelain arms crossed behind a back.
My hand was to stay undissolved as a spun–sugar
lump until asked for, approved of, then towed down
an aisle. But I’ve told you I can’t be good as
Grimm’s girl, when we stand near the ax I draw
my wrists back. Each pointed finger is my true weapon.
I won’t let you bronze the cut cups of my palms.

Poem: “Wishful Thinking”

   
To avoid you I go to the toilet,
push dust around the cellar, swipe the 
   slick decay
of leaves from the gutter. Nothing revolts you.
You’re so bored you’re falling out of the sky
but persistent as sleet,
not like myself whose Bible stops at January,
page-a-day saved by inertia from Easter.

Sometimes you ask me to lie down in the middle 
   of haste
like a madman’s blanket. Before how many 
   doorways
will I be thrown down?
Sometimes at dawn I climb the rope with 
   monkey hands
up past fear and gravity, beyond hoarding 
   myself.
An animal knows how much it can take.
I hoist the weights like a rower, one and 
   the other and one.
Don’t tell me yet what trial this is training for.

You’re the pillow under my head
and over it. You’re the hole in the road
that the gas truck hits, jacknifing into 
   gorgeous flame.
The woods above the highway are dark 
   with bears.
A lost child sees the glow, stumbles back to 
   her parents’ camper.

And what if there were no one pursuing? No storm
to blow my windows out? I could sleep 
   without whispers,
wake without guarding my eyes.
My friend the rational sunshine
says you’re wishful thinking, Santa-Claus daddy
come down through ashes just to indulge me.
Oh, but it’s cold on the roof of my life
under the flashbulb moon,
with no rumors of hooves sharpening above.
No one to know when I’ve been sleeping,
or with whom.

Now that you’ve gone, I won’t look at the shapes 
   of clouds,
dream-beasts that can’t resist your tearing apart.
No face remains; love’s rubbings even unpaint 
   the doll’s cheeks.
Spare me this corner, I said, and you left
the whole field bare
under an endless platter of good weather.
Wishful thinking: that moment darkened by the 
   brush of evening
when the child locked in the toystore wants 
   to be found.


   published in Literature & Belief, Vol. 26.1 (2007)

Helen Bar-Lev: Poems from “Cyclamens and Swords”


Cyclamens and Swords, a new book from Israeli poets Helen Bar-Lev and Johnmichael Simon, has just been published by Ibbetson Street Press. This beautifully designed book is illustrated with Helen’s watercolors and sketches of Israeli landscapes, which someday I will acquire the technical ability to reproduce on this website. Meanwhile, she’s kindly allowed me to reprint two poems below:

The Map on the Back of the Shower Curtain

The world appears pale and backwards
and indeed a bit obsolete,
on the opposite side
of the shower curtain

I search for you my country,
little mapspeck
amongst plastic folds
perhaps three other nations
have the distinction
of being smaller than you,
but that is all

I compare your pinkness
with the enormous expanses
of greens and browns,
yellows and oranges

And am amazed at the fuss
the world makes over you
as though Madam Justice
put you on one scale
and the rest of the world on the other,
to balance things out

Everyone wants you,
little lovely country,
and I who love you
with the passion of unreason,
with the naturalness of one who lives in and for you,
am able to understand this

But they,
they cannot know


   ********

A Hot Cup of Corn Soup

She was skinny as a skeleton
her age disappeared into her thinness,
did not disclose itself;
neither young nor old,
she was a woman eternal

We met each morning,
she on her way into the building
inside my painting,
a nod and a pleasant shalom
and our days continued separate

It was seven degrees below zero
in Jerusalem and there I was as usual,
weaving branches into my watercolour,
with fingers which would not stop freezing,
too imbued with the need to create
than to heed the wisdom of remaining
at home in front of the heater –
even water tanks cracked on roofs
cascaded their contents
over buildings, onto streets,
then froze there, treacherous

At ten a.m. that day she brought me a cup
of hot corn soup – a gesture unexpected,
unprecedented, through those many winters
I had sat on the ground, painting Jerusalem
we chatted, I asked her age,
her history of six and one half decades
spilled out onto my page into my heart
unwilling to believe, down from the roof
of the twenty-storey building where her
son, ten, ben z’kunim* and friends had been playing
when he fell, fell, into her grief
into her thinness, into this place
where she was working when her older sons
came to tell her, down down onto the couch
of the analyst who said
life doesn’t continue forever,
one day you’ll be with him again

One session, no more, then she went on
into her thinness, waiting for the reunion with her son,
until then, knowing he was watching,
approving, she continued doing kindnesses,
such as bringing a cup of hot corn soup
to a freezing artist on a February morning
in Jerusalem


* ben z’kunim = a child born to parents late in life 

   ********

Cyclamens and Swords can be ordered through Lulu.com or by emailing hb*****@***********et.il or j_*****@***********et.il . Prices are 65 NIS (including postage to Israel), US$18 (including postage to US or Canada), 14 euro (including postage to Europe or Australia), or 10 pounds sterling (including postage to the UK). Payment accepted by cash, check or PayPal.

Charity, Unconditional But Not Unwise


In this post on responding to panhandlers, Internet Monk adds his always-interesting voice to a debate that has preoccupied my Bible study group for some time. Christ calls us to give generously and nonjudgmentally; does that preclude any inquiry into whether the recipient is truly needy, or likely to misuse what we offer? In my opinion, ensuring that our intended “help” is actually skillful and effective should take priority over feeling good about the purity of our generosity. The I-Monk finds scriptural support for this position:


Matthew 5:38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ 39 But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. 40 And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. 41 And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. 42 Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.

The Biblical teaching on compassion for the poor, justice and generosity are well-established and crucial for a life of following Jesus.

The establishment of deacons and of guidelines for who is a “widow” indicates that the early church was aware of the issues that arise when Christians must make judgments regarding benevolence. I Timothy 5:3 and 5:16 indicate some are “truly” widows and others are not.

Paul condemns those who refuse to work, yet still seek to eat. The existence of such verses as 2 Thessalonians 3:10 and 3:12 make it clear that the church knew what a freeloader was. Notice Paul’s defense of himself in 2 Thessalonians 3:8 nor did we eat anyone’s bread without paying for it, but with toil and labor we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you. Consider the ethical background of that statement: It is wrong to receive support as charity when support from work is possible….

Money given to aggressive panhandlers is money that can’t be given to the truly poor. Go to any ministry that deals with people who are truly poor. They will tell you that almost none of those poor people would be on the streets begging in America today because of the dangers, the criminal element and so forth. Addiction, mental illness, con artists and criminal intent are on most of America’s streets. The truly poor will be known to local shelters, ministries, schools and social workers. There are many opportunities to give to families and children who truly need the money and would never be begging on the streets with a story such as we commonly hear from panhandlers.

Every situation of compassion also has elements of wisdom. My son recently asked me for financial assistance to attend a writer’s workshop. I am not going to automatically give him the money in the name of Christian compassion. I am going to be a good steward and a good manager of what God has given me, and ask questions before giving. This is true at every level of giving. I receive hundreds of appeals every year. Dozens of students and missionaries ask for my support. (Many of them make far more than I do!) I am very, very selective about who I give to, and I ask many questions before giving. I believe this is God-honoring, as much as the generosity itself.

Jesus’ words are meant to underline the compassion and freedom of the Christian. Our generosity is an important expression of our discipleship. At times, we need to give with much less than perfect knowledge, and at times we need to obey the Spirit as he gives opportunity. But we are also to know the “streets and highways” where we are, and we are not to volunteer to be robbed as a witness. Aggressive panhandlers like Sundays, and they like Christians. We need to give them a dollar, a coupon and a brochure for the local “Help” office. We need to give to the truly needy a gift that will make a difference in their lives.

The parallelism of verse 42 is important as “beg” and “borrow” relate to one another. The one who borrows is making a promise to use wisely or even to repay. It is the neighbor in need, not the panhandler, that Jesus has in mind, I believe. The poor are our neighbors, but the person actively seeking to abuse another’s charity elicits a different response.

The article includes several useful suggestions on nonmonetary ways to help panhandlers and distinguish between scam artists and the needy. Read the whole thing here.

Notwithstanding all that, I will probably continue to give to some of the street people in my small town, because I feel disrespectful walking past them without acknowledgment. In New York City, where ignoring each other is the height of etiquette (and the beggars are much scarier), maybe I won’t. Another rule of thumb: if I’m spending more time agonizing over a dollar to a panhandler than over my own purchases of mindless crap, it’s time for a soul check.

Chabad Meditations: God in Exile


Chabad.org today sent me this “Daily Dose” from the writings of the late Lubavitcher Rebbe Menachem M. Schneersohn, as translated by Tzvi Freeman:


They have banished G-d into exile.

They have decreed He is too holy, too transcendent to belong in our world. They have determined He does not belong within the ordinary, in the daily run of things.

And so they have driven Him out of His garden, to the realm of prayer and meditation, to the sanctuaries and the secluded places of hermits. They have sentenced the Creator to exile and His creation they have locked in a dark, cold prison.

And He pleads, “Let me come back to my garden, to the place in which I found delight when it all began.”

Kristofer Koerber: “My Morals” and “Decisions”


My Morals

I smiled to myself
b/c I thought that I was a good person
for driving all that way to the ocean
to deliver those starfish back to their watery world.
I think that at least one other person
would have agreed with me.
But to the lady
and her
three dogs,
two children
and one stroller
parading down the middle of the road
I was a horrible person for driving
over 25 mph
on their road.
She corralled the dogs to the side of the road
Clutched her children close
and threw up her arms.
But I had no time to slow down and apologize
Only enough to put my window down
and give them all the finger.
I was saving lives,
couldn’t they understand?

********
Decisions

I’ve got time in my life
to make bad decisions.
I figure I’ve got time
to sing off key
and trip over my feet when I dance.
Some time to skip out on my tab
at skeezy undertoe bars.
I’ve got some time in this life
to practice the art of intoxication,
get a degree in one night hookups
with peach legged women
who giggle between puffs of their cigarettes.
I tell myself I’ve got time
to wrestle with a hundred hangovers
and shake my fist at the stars.
There’s time enough to build my coffin
and time enough to sit in it and laugh to myself

About all the good I’ve done.


      reprinted by permission from PoetrySuperHighway.com

How to be Plump and Happy


This excerpt from Courtney Martin’s new book, Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters: The Frightening New Normalcy of Hating Your Body (hat tip to Hugo), got me thinking about how I learned to stop worrying and love the bombe. Fortunately I have never had a full-blown eating disorder, but I wasted a lot of time between ages 11 and 33 feeling uselessly miserable at being a size 12 or 14 in a size 2 world. (I remember the exact day 24 years ago that I looked down from my Collected Dorothy Parker and thought with horror, “What’s this jiggly stuff on my thighs??”) That sort of thing occupies much less of my bandwidth now. Some advice that may set you free:

Practice a spiritual tradition that cures perfectionism.
As Martin’s book and many others like it demonstrate, women enact on their bodies the costs of living in a culture where they are constantly judged by strangers, and where failure to perfect one’s external achievements is the only moral taboo. In gospel terms, this is living under the Law. So is being captive to the expectations and status anxieties of your family. But humans are social beings. We can’t be complete rebels, building our identity without reference to anyone else’s values, no matter what the blue-jeans commercials say. And so it really helps to discover a worldview based on unconditional love and acceptance of human limitations, and find a spiritual community that supports it. Reality is a collective endeavor.

Among the many things that God’s grace in Christ did for me, the very first was to help me disengage from the internalized judgments of others, whether or not they were right. My essential worth as a human being is unshaken by the flaws that others discover in me, because I’ve given up the baseline assumption that I won’t have any. This radically lowers the stakes in self-examination, providing, for the first time, real freedom to change or to trust my (possibly wrong) belief that no change is needed.

Stop reading women’s magazines.
Every issue is the same: “Lose 10 pounds in 3 weeks!” “Yummy desserts your family will love!”

Watch less television.
Advertising-driven media has an interest in making people feel bad about themselves and then shop their way to glory. Many contemporary television dramas foster despair about the possibility of long-term relationships, while idolizing career success. This reinforces women’s fears that others’ acceptance of us is conditional, precarious, and based on externals.

Accept change.
My husband is a Buddhist, and from him I’ve learned that change is natural. Why should I fit into the pants I wore in high school? I had no fashion sense then anyway!

Examine your own prejudices.
What group are you trying to dissociate yourself from by targeting a weight that doesn’t come naturally to you? For some women, it’s their gender, which they may associate with weakness, or with vulnerability to sexual assault and stereotyping. Other women are shy and afraid to take up space. For me, the issue was classism. Fat equalled sloppy, the opposite of aristocratic poise and self-discipline. How does your environment reinforce these anxieties? If you’re the poorest one in your high school class, or the only woman in your workplace, can you find alternative communities where your differences are not so pronounced, as a counterweight if not a replacement? (The church was supposed to be just such a place: see Galatians 3:28.)

Marry someone who believes that self-confidence is more attractive than conformity to a media ideal.
My husband doesn’t watch television either.

Avoid “bonding through bitching”.
Women love to complain to each other about their appearance. Perhaps we maintain relationships by avoiding competition (or masking it), while men do the opposite. This pattern teaches us that it’s not all right to ask for support directly, and even less all right to admit that you’re actually satisfied with your big round butt. Next time your girlfriend says something negative about her weight, a topic she’d probably avoid if she were truly morbidly obese, try responding with something like, “I feel sad when you put yourself down.”

Be mindful of why you eat.
Do I really need Mounds miniatures at every meal? Yes! I do!

Find physical achievements that are based on performance, not appearance.
One can, of course, become obsessive about sports and fitness just as much as dieting, but I’ve found that weight-training has taught me to inhabit my body with power and pride. It’s also made all my shirts too tight (see “change” above).

Be grateful.
For yourself, for your strength, for achieving every goal that comes from your authentic self, for having a body and the food to nourish it.